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I haven't updated in awhile. I would really appriceate comments. I am so unstable. People who hate sad people, Ignore this. Please comment. PLEASE.

I notice that people only talk shit about people when the people are happy. Like When I have my headphones on and i am dancing to my music. I can just hear people talking shit behind me, So i turn it up. I can still hear them in my mind now, just because I knew it. I keep dancing. Want me to stop? hurry up and wait.

I was raped back in january. I talked to my good friend about it, and she helped me see that I am not the one at fault here. It was good to hear. Last time I tried to tell people about it, right after it happen, two things were in the way. One: Me. I wasn't ready to hear about it, process my feelings, or talk about it. and two: the people I decided to tell were so dumbfounded and confused that they dropped the issue as soon as it was brought up, and closed their eyes to it.

I am not going back to my job. I put my two weeks notice in awhile ago. my last day was supposed to be the 26th, but I am not going back. I give a shit less, they treat me like dirt. Today I went to work at 11, Got off at 11:05 and scowled at and yelled at. I told the owner to go to hell and left. I don't plan on re-entering that establishment.

I am getting ready to lose some weight. I joined some ana-mia communities. I don't really tell people, but I throw up after I eat sometimes. It happens in stages. Like I can do it every day for a month, or a week. And then I don't do it for another month or so. Anyway, This time, i want to lose the weight healthy. I want to have muscles in my abdomen, I want to have mini-biceps. Strong enough to protect myself, but not to look bulky and... i hate to say it this way, but a girl is not supposed to look bulky. :-/

on the matt front: I gave him a CD. He asked for it, and told me the kind of music he liked, and I made it. I don't know weather he really liked it or not, but he gave me a hug, if he doesn't like it, he is a great pretender. Why is he so nice to me? why is he so cute? I don't know. jeez. It kind of scares me. I'm not the type of person people are just nice to. I'm the nice person people just take advantage of. that's my role in life. it makes me nervous to be out of that role.

Brandon is back in jail. AGAIN. I am so disappointed, but at the same time, he told me he knew he was going back. <s>surprisingly i'm not crying and super upset about it.< /sarcasm. > It's happen so many times, i'm like used to it. it's not like i see him anyway, damn. I hope nothing big happens to him. i will talk to siobhan just to keep updated on it.

I don't think i have anything else to say for now. except that i'm obsessed with neopets. if you have an account, friend me. my name is esoteric_heart


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 21st, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
have i told
you lately
that i love you?
May. 22nd, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
i love you too
May. 21st, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC)
i'm sorry ur not doing well
those ppl might not have been talking about you, i know i always think ppl are laughing at me when really the chances of them doing that are practically nil
May. 22nd, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
i'm actually doing okay! brandon wasnt in jail it was some bitch tryin 2 hurt me, and my job is lying and saying i got fired instead of quit, so i get to sue!
May. 22nd, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
well, yay then for being ok :)
May. 22nd, 2005 12:21 am (UTC)
you never told me.... i can relate on the abuse :] talk to me anytime
May. 22nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
i love you.
(Deleted comment)
May. 22nd, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
why is neopets evil?
May. 22nd, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
I think my neopets are dead. I haven't fed them in a couple of years or so..
May. 23rd, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
May. 24th, 2005 07:23 pm (UTC)
Oh don't mind those people, I get that alot too, people are just stupid! They talk shit about you cause they are jealous that you can dance and freely. Seriously! I think you're great!
May. 25th, 2005 12:08 am (UTC)
wow nana i havent heared from you in forever. ithink your great too
May. 26th, 2005 05:47 pm (UTC)
I added you to my neofriends list, and it is evil but I am hopelessly addicted so I will play into the neopets evil plot.
May. 28th, 2005 12:45 pm (UTC)
Oh sweet! I thought I was the only obsessed freak with neopets! I'll friend you!
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )


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