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a passing scary thought...

I was looking at my friend christal today. I realized that I don't define her by her weight. She is overweight yes, but that isn't what i see when i look at her. I see christal. I see her facial features. I see her personality. I see she is beautiful...

The main reason i hate myself and think that i'm not worth being called beautiful, and think that matt must have a serious problem going around calling me a word like "beautiful". Maybe he sees me like i see christal.


Why does it scare me that he likes me for who i am?

Who am I?

How the hell can someone like me for who i am? Am I beautiful? how do I not know!?!

~I hate attention, yet I want to be famous
~I like to be alone when i cry. I long to be held. but when someone is holding me, all i want is to be left alone.
~I always used to want a surprise party until i realized that I have to have everything planned
~I hate surprise guests. You have to call before you come, WHAT IF I'M DOING SOMETHING!?!
~Something about me loves to masturbate, But something about me hates it as well.
~Laying on the floor makes me feel "one" with the world. I know I can't fall.
~I like the crush. Everything after is kind of too much.
~I'm in love with love
~Something about letting people get to know me scares the bejesus out of me. yet being locked inside myself all my life scares me as well.
~I am esoteric. I am even thinking of changing my live journal name to esoteric_heart. but it costs.
~I love reading. it takes me to another world. I don't understand someone who doesn't like reading.
~Sex disgusts me. Yet it intrigues me.
~I hate people who leave me or let me down forever...
~I lose all respect for people who curse at me in a serious way
~I am incapable of falling out of love. I end up letting them walk all over me until i am flatter than a door mat, and then, I beg for them to walk over me some more...
~I don't value friendship as much as I value love
~If I lived with my love, I would not have friends.
~I live in a constant daydream
~I love writing, but I'm on writers block.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 17th, 2005 06:33 am (UTC)
Laying on the floor makes me feel "one" with the world. I know I can't fall.

Apr. 17th, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
~I hate attention, yet I want to be famous

Me too. I want to be a famous photographer. There's not many photographers that are famous though. So poop on that idea.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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