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Watch my step & Hold my tonuge

i've been writing a lot in a little journal that i carry around, so i may not write as much here. I do have a lot to say though...first off...why do i bother watching my step for people? excessively worrying about how they feel and what they'll say and shit...

THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME! today i was asking my friend not to use the word "gay" in place of the word "bad" it really hurts my feelings. But they were like "it really pisses me off when you say that" why do i even bother? I have to hold my tonuge all the time for people and they don't even give me the common decency to respect my feelings? I lost my ear rings in school today and my ride home said that if i stayed to look for them ,she would leave me. and to top it all off, i sat outside McDonnalds and waited for them to finish eating--they gave me huge attitude because i didn't want to go in, and acted pissed off at me when they came out. so brandon called and said that he was behind me, and to get out of the car, i was liek "I dont want them to be mad at me, so hold on and let me ask if its okay" so i asked "would it be okay with you..would you be mad at me if i got out of the car to see brandon" She went off on me, like "THATS SO FUCKED UP BLA BLA BLA" just screaming at me how i'm a fucked up person this n that...so i got out of the car and said "fuck it i aint even gonna try to explain this to you" and left, because i'm not gonna try and stay there when someone is screaming at me, finally i grew some balls but i might have to miss school tomorrow to get out of the pain that they will put me thru there. they are more popular than i am.

why do i feel like i have to drop all my plans for someone? why do i have to be the one to watch my step and hold my tonuge? WHY CANT I GET THE SAME RESPECT I GIVE? "treat others as you want to be treated" i've been TRYING, why won't it work? WHY WONT IT WORK? fuck it i don't want to try anymore. Should i say everything that comes to my mind?


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:24 pm (UTC)
you shouldn't let someone/anyone bother you so much (i know you can't help it) that you have to miss school because of it. people suck. i missed a lot of grade 7 cuz my whole class made fun of me. i was going to fail, but i had some testing done so that i could get into a special program for grade 9, so they passed me.

and i know how it feels, like worrying about what people think/say of you, when they don't even care about or know you.
Dec. 17th, 2004 11:53 am (UTC)
thnk you
Dec. 17th, 2004 04:44 am (UTC)
they sound horrible! good on you for sitting outside mcdonnalds and refusing to go in. i won't go into them either. were you not going in for political animal and earth rights reasons?

re: getting the respect you deserve and treating others the way you would like to be treated... i think that treating others how you would like to be treated is a good philosophy in general, but when people are walking all over you, you have the right to be assertive. it is still hard to do, but it is far healthier to just say so when someone is being unfair and a shit head, (you could say it in a "helpful" way like for example "when you _____ i feel _______, in future i would prefer you to _______ instead." and you can also add "if you don't stop doing ______, then i will ______ (eg. stop hanging round you [anything that would be the next healthiest thing for you, cos its good to give people a chance to change, but not to stick around and give them lots of chances, that would be letting them get away with treating you like that and doesnt give the clear message that its not okay])"

this sounds really systematic i know. and is sometimes impossible cos people are just losers and you and i both know that a lot of the time people just won't give you the time of day to speak, let alone actually listen or care about what you're saying.

hmph! those people were mean to you!

Dec. 17th, 2004 11:55 am (UTC)
i am trying to be a vegitarian but the reason i didn't go in is because i was trying not to eat that day :-/ i still ate too. at least healthier right.

thanks for the long comments
Dec. 17th, 2004 09:13 pm (UTC)
yeh. definitely eat healthier than mcdonnalds.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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