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I feel ignored

everything has been fucking me over lately as far as feelings go, I feel like I can't express myself. My screams are falling on dead ears.

I'm Gone Now
Locked up inside myself tightly, yet still oozing out the sides.
baracading myself further away, soon you won't find me.
protected from pain, love, joy, angst... Running from any feeling at all,
and when it finds me, it pummels me, destroys me, attacks me,
then runs away as if it were a bad dream.
it sends me waiting and hiding in anxiety for the moment it returns to finish the job.
I thought I could bring you in, embrace you, but you prove me wrong every time,
you are still my everything so I hoard you in as much as i can.
I splurge and smother you as you inevatably push me away and pull back like too much air when you stick your head out the window.
Gather you in like harvest season and run for as long as I can before I need you again.
I empty the contents of myself out onto the floor and I closely examine the remenents. the war has defanately taken a toll.
I scoop myself up and place it in the trash as I walk away empty
. I will find new pieces and parts to fill myself with as if i were a handbag lacking contents.
A woman carrying nothing and clutching it to her chest for dear life, like its all she has, yet she's surrounded by everything.
Slowly she bends down to pick herself up but her back breaks.
she is no longer whole
. so she drags herself along in her own personal journey to find herself whilst she slithers there not really having to go anywhere to get what she already has...


Sep. 27th, 2004 01:49 am (UTC)
Awww I hope everything gets better for you soon, things don't seem like they are... but I really hope they do. It's no good you feel worthless and everything, not too much I can do but tell you there are people out there that listen and everything to you. Wish there were more people closer to you that listened to you :-/ I hope the best for you hun and I hope everything gets better soon! Take care!


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