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things i forgot to tell him.

You told me that when i went away, things started to go downhill. Well I tell you, things are quite downhill without you here now. I am getting rid of internet. Sorry dear, no more kazaa. I am lowering my phone plan, no more late night talk-it-ups. I'm getting rid of cable tv, no more watching music video's all day long and lounging around. We might not pay the heat bill, or the electricity. My mom pays off her car this year, so soon we may get the heat back, but we just are not making ends meet. My mom stopped cooking with you gone, I get my food on my way home from school, or sometimes i just dont eat. My dog doesn't play ball anymore, he just lies and sleeps, and you know what they say "let sleeping dog's lie" I sit at home all day, waiting for your call, questioning my sanity. I will not miss many of these things, considering i am sitting in a fixed blank stare usually. People talk about me at school, they think i'm weird and they think i am staring at them all the time. Well I'll let them know right now, they are not cute enough to collect my attention for an entire class period. I'm just thinking about *my baby* wondering if ur up, wondering what your doing, if your working, if anyone hurt you and how you're feeling, if you're eating. I don't talk to anyone, If i've got something to say, I write it down in a letter to you. Sometimes people call me, and I don't provide good conversations, so they get off the phone with me early off. One of my friends calls my answering machine and leaves messages telling me how much she likes it. She won't talk to me though if i answer my phone, she'll just say "let me get the machine" Sometimes I will sing to myself. Yes, I started singing again. I really want to sing for you. I might not even have to kill myself if you're gone for too long, I might die of naturally missing you. I was ready to watch that stupid kid who took advantage of me, jump right off a bridge and kill himself right in front of my eyes but he was too chicken. Stupid fucker, I knew he was too chicken. I really miss you and I love you. I'm sorry for not being strong for you. I'll write you a letter tomorrow night, Tomorrow they dont collect mail.


Nov. 11th, 2003 08:07 pm (UTC)
Babe I love ya homie but you spelled my name wrong but hey its all good. Call me!


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