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I just thought that if maybe I could get people habitually contacting me in life, I wouldn’t find myself in the future completely alone. Since my mom got sick, it has been my quest to try and set up my own support system in that way.- Try to get people say hi to me regularly, initiate conversations with me, check up on me, wonder how I'm doing...
It has been almost 5 years and still I have not one friend who will regularly say hi to me, or even return a message. I’m losing hope. Normally I love spending time alone, and I don’t want to depend on people. But in order to have people around, I’ll need to have people.
My mom hasn’t wanted to spend any time with me since my uncle died. I feel more alone now than ever. I don’t think I’m asking too much to want friends to reach out to me. Why do I always have to initiate contact? When 70% of the time, it goes ignored. Why should I bother? Because I want friends? I do; but obviously, none of the ones I have, actually care enough to show me that I’m not alone in life. It makes me understand that they never even think of me- I cease to exist unless I’m in their faces.
What a fucking loser
My plan of action was just to say hi to people every day, and be there for them whenever I can. Give someone's car a jump, or let them crash on my sofa. Maybe it would have been more practical for me to just ask for what I want.

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Eyedea
wrecktangle
Kismet Witstatic
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