"I can't complain"

Yesterday at the checkout, the two clerks asked how I was; I chirped out good 'ol auto response, then he says, "I can't complain". I looked at him with a smile through the side of my eyes, and said; "I dunno, I think a lot of good humor can be rooted in complaining". It was all the ammo I had at the time. 

Now with further time to ponder on this concept, I am thankful for my mom's complaining. It keeps me in the loop, and more able to accommodate if she lets me know what's wrong. Nonetheless.. He goes on and on about how so many people wish they were me right now, and all this. -And how he feels foolish when finds himself complaining to people who have it worse than him.- His friend, a woman who lost her son to cancer. That is sad. My heart wanted to tell him that I appreciate it when people complain to me, (I have a different name for it; I call it, "confide in me".) when am the one who has it worse;- I get nostalgic for thinking about that type of $#!+. Honestly, I do think I prefer my limbic system to be hot. Not sure why exactly, but it's when the zest can be detected best. Reading through my "tumultuous", 2013. Wanting to throw up a little bit because I can't even write like that now. I couldn't fathom diving into this so deep. I wouldn't come back ever, so instead; My brain fogs itself, as a way of finally not thinking about ... Ruminating on. Come on, let me solve your $#!+, I got this fix- it's all Trix to me, Like for kids.

I was proud of myself for not spilling out my story when the second check clerk guy parroted pretty much what the first one said about complaining, and I also repeated myself. He shook his head at me and said, "Thats not good". How is it not good to use humor as a diffuser? Certainly, he must not percept my meaning. Demeaning. あ well, I'm not the type to complain just for the sake of wallowing.- Unless it's handled with brevity; I like to tunnel it to humor, solutions, maps, understanding. When I realize it won't reach out of the darkness in some areas (like cancer), I try to abandon my cognizance of it.


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