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Wild Man

My uncle Steve died the other day. It was a shock to us, he did not want us to know he was sick unless something happen. He was my godfather, and his wedding anniversary is on my birthday. The last time I saw him was on Easter. He put air in my bicycle tires for me, despite all that he already had to do with packing up their car to leave. I can barely register that he’s gone, because he’s not usually around. I think it will hit me when I see his family without him.
All this has had my mom pretty upset. She still hasn’t had another good day since that one I wrote about in my last update. She also broke it to me that she doesn’t plan to do treatment for the next cancer recurrence, so the hope is magnified for this remission to actually last awhile. We have 10 months in our minds because that’s the longest remission she’s had, and that was achieved with one of the same drugs as she was treated with this time around. I’m so afraid. At least it’s actually up in the air this time, instead of already smashed on the ground, (my hope). She had so much fight in her this time…. And she has always said before, that she would continue fighting the cancer until the treatment stopped working, so it came as a shock to hear that. Breath of relief though, her blood test results are in, and her CA125 is at 7.
I’m still so very nervous. The study drug has already been proven to “synergize” the taxol, and reverse immunity that the cancer has built towards it. This is already known to be true. In which case, it is all contingent upon TAS119 VS Carboplatin. She is now platinum resistant, so carboplatin won’t do anything for her anymore, but there is a certain order in which the drugs are classified. Most effective, most abrasive… I worry that this was the wrong decision in that it was so abrasive that it wore her out more than a less potentially effective treatment would have. It’s really hard to calculate quantity of life saved, and what fraction of that the quality is sacrificed. I mean, the Gemzar was supposed to be a more tolerable treatment, but that seemed just as hard on her, if not moreso, than this. Constant diarrhea is difficult, no doubt, but marginally less so than not being able to keep a single bite down from the other end. We were constantly visiting the ER while she was on Gem.


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May 2019