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Love myself before its made illegal

"You are so insecure, and I just can't figure out why!",

it's a love-hate relationship I have. I'm so brilliant, that it's reprehensible how little of my potential I'm capitalizing. I could and should be so much more, because of what a wonder I am. You see?

"You seem to be a nervous person anyway, so, what's the difference?"
Wait a second, did he just give me the key to free myself?
Since my nerves are unavoidable, why try to avoid them? If I let them overtake me, they will; You cannot be chased by what you choose to face.
Unless you run backwards.

I talked way too much. It was exhilarating! I think they actually liked me! I have been such a hermit for the past few years. I have a hard time finding a happy medium with many things. I really have become more of a listener since my mom was first diagnosed with cancer, because there is no formidable response a person can give to anything I have to say. The weight of the words don't roll off the tongue with them; i.e, no reason to speak them. It has been long enough that I stayed a safe distance away from those heavy topics. Somehow I permitted myself to take a break from my life. The magic of Halloween, most likely.

He said I knew when I was leading them down a rabbit hole in conversation. Witnessing the way I live my life, I'm not actually sure of that. I don't know whether topics are related in some way to me, and not made clear to others by me; Or, if I automatically switch gears when I'm too close my emotion. So, then the question begs me; What is really the tangent? Do tangents reveal more than I intend to hide?

It doesn't bother me that he is married; because it keeps us a safe distance apart while I enjoy his company. Especially if his wife is fine with him making friends. I lost so many of my guy friends to marriage. Their wives hate me, and made them stop talking to me. It's really silly though because I was just the homie. Oh well- This isn't even about them, so I shouldn't make it be. I just had a great time at a party that was a total couple fest. I had such a great time, I just hope that I don't accidentally make them hate me by smiling the wrong way, or some shit like usual.


Kismet Witstatic

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January 2019