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I haven't come up with a name for this person. Maybe I will by the time I finish this entry.
The thing about a serial monogamist,- knowing someone is a serial monogamist: Is, knowing that if you hit it off with them, you'll either marry them, or they'll break your heart even if you're the one who dumps them, by dating someone a week later, and getting into serious relationship before you even dive back into the dating pool. You being me, of course.
I've already been taught that once a man forms his romantic opinion of you, there's no changing his mind. I bore that with me although he himself, said he had changed. I've had a crush on him for a long time. What was I to do? Not give it a chance? Yeah right. I should not have been as surprised to be rejected though. Rejection always hurts. I am more a fan of the idea there was no spark, than that I expressed certain mindsets that he didn't agree with, or want in his prospective partner. That is way too personal, and not enough cosmic for me.
I could totally tell that he wasn't feeling me before we even went to the movies. He checked his bank account on his phone and said he may not be able to afford the movie, and I called him on it, maybe a little too real; i said, "i bet this is just because you decided you're not into me, so now you want to 'nevermind' me", and he gave me this awkward look, but didn't say anything. I said i would buy the tickets if he actually did want to go to the movie, he said he could cover at least his own ticket and he did end up paying for mine and getting popcorn too. - said he moved money over from his savings. I don't think he was necessarily lying, but i think if he was truly diggin me at the moment he checked his account, he would have grinned and made things work out without giving me an awkward play by play of his account status.
It was hard to fully read though because i tend to dismiss my intuition until it reproves itself. I kept thinking it could have meant something aside from guilt, that he showed the initiative to pay for the tickets.- that he did want to treat me like a lady and not bail out in any little way. I am super-analyzing this right now because of how i felt the sparks and he didn't. I wondered how someone can really know whether or not the other person feels them too... And with me, it starts by not deluding myself, that *i could tell*. Intuition is in it, and it is less daunting to know that.. He threw off my signal at first because he said he would always be blunt with me, and when i bluntly asked him if he didn't like like me, he said he didn't like my assumptive question, and also he picked up on my frustration early in conversation a couple times , and called it anger before it actually became that. I had a hard time expressing myself because of my heart pounding crush on him, and that is where much of the frustration was from.


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