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Young at Heart

Have you ever done something so well, you're afraid to do it again? Have you ever had expectations that were reasonable, yet somehow unmeetable? I don't know- I used to have a lot more fucking rhythm. Jive. I don't know where it went- nowhere, I'm sure. I just feel detached from it. I am so disappointed in myself; for being so able to do so much, yet, not. Just- goals? What is the point again? Inept, I am. I swear I will finish this amazing painting. I HAVE TO. It's PERFECT! And if I fuck up again, I'll fix it AGAIN. You're a doof.
You've made many mistakes. What would be so different this time?
Time flies by disloyally. It would be such an injustice not to finish.
I do have to be sure to be in the right mind to be my best. OH, I am so grouchy right now. Humbug humbug him haw wahh.
Every day, I wake up; I have no idea what to do. Where to go. So much doubt, and at this point, it seems hard wired in, because as many times as I've doubted, I've shown myself that I can come through the other side of adversity alive. I don't understand why still so doubtful? At this point, doubt is illogical, and unfounded.
Still, I'm lost. I am lost?
I'd like a little lighthouse, maybe I'm better off in darkness.
Lost that pizzaz. That jazz. Let's play some jazz.
I feel 19, or maybe 22. I know I'm young at heart. Is that a good or bad thing? I have both positive and negative traits of this. My grandma says, if they guess my age younger than I really am; This is *not* a compliment. I don't act my age. I don't look my age.


Kismet Witstatic

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September 2018