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As well as I already know myself; It still shocks me to acknowledge the sheer magnetism I have toward a simple empty text box.

I was startled by my grandma’s alarm clock (6:25 AM); I’m at her house doing a little deep cleaning while she’s away at the hospital. It makes me realize that we all cherish the purity that the freshest hours of a day exert. The impact of the underlying whisper that permits one to assume a sense of ‘new’ in the same old body, wearing the same old clothes and never leaving the same old place.

ooh. I hate the way worry seems unshakable. It’s like; If there is the sensation in my body, my mind will justify it with a reason to be. I can’t even be certain which aspect claims precedence in me.

My character seems void of any grayscale; Instead; Excessive stark contrasts. The only solidity is shrouded in polar fluid .

But I can be my worst enemy
Therefore, I can be a dose of my own potent remedy. I’d say so. No?
In times of darkness, Clouded in shame, muddled with muddy iniquity; decayed:

Parting my lips in blank utterance
I plummet off the precipice;
expressing the expressionless
Flutter, antsy; Insect crawl. Glitch.
Murmur, mutter.
Apostrophe, colostomy, monstrosity, philosophy

Undressed coffee.

-
So I don’t know what I want to call him…Mr. Gravity I’ll say, I was very nerdy, and he has always been super ripped; In shape. When we got together in the summer to visit, and ever since then, he has been relentless in pursuit of me. First, I feel flattered by his adoration, then I start to feel irritated by him, like it’s nice to be wanted, but also, shouldn’t my reciprocal interest matter more?
Then I begin to question what this dance is doing to his self esteem? I worry for a moment. I consider giving in, but (Thank GoD) I quickly realize that’s absurd. Why should I guilt trip myself over flattery? So I ask him to leave me alone, and he obliges my request for anywhere from 3 weeks to a month. When he contacts me again- He always contacts me again; I kind of feel respect for him, for being so persistent, you know? It gives me hope in application to circumstances where I play the role of ‘persistent one’. It bothers me to wonder if you think I held back out of fear. I wasn’t scared- It’s just that I’ve made that mistake twice- Two times now! I went for the kiss, and I got the same advice each time. I’m the female, i’m supposed to ‘let him kiss me’. Boo.

I can understand how sending a facebook message can never come off as smooth as it’s intended. It has a level of invasiveness that can’t be avoided. I find myself hesitating to reply to someone who is trying to talk to me through there…hah. It’s not really necessarily disinterest on my part- just…Awkwardness.

one other thing…. I met the Deep Blue foo’ doing a thing which was most definitely stray from the path I was meant to follow. Because of this, and even ,only this- it’s impossible for him to be an important person to me unless, and until our paths converge at a better lit crossroads.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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