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Who knew?

Having this cute little Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App with ReMissez, has made me painfully aware of something: I got very angry at her, and lashed out at her with words I do regret; On November 18th, I cried pools for Papa in the condition he was in. It was more apparent than is personally admissible, just how clearly I could see what was to come. ReMissez knew too. I should change her name because she got it by making this statement four days before Papa died,
"If you..Whenever you, Whatever kind of memorial service, or event your family has for Papa; I would be invited, right?"

I completely lashed out at her, I roasted her with my eyes as I asked her if she thought we were sitting around planning for these things. Invitations? UGH. Was she serious?! Here is what I said though, that really makes me feel ashamed,

"What about when your grandma dies? Hmm? Do you like thinking about that happening? Do you know exactly who you're going to invite, or what color flowers there will be? Huh? Tell me."

It turns out, the very next time I saw ReMissez, was at Papa's memorial service. IT TURNS OUT, the day DIRECTLY AFTER THE DEATH, we sit around a big table and pick out colors, cards, ribbons, quotes, verses, EVERYTHING THAT SEEMS COMPLETELY INSIGNIFICANT IN THE FACE OF LOSING THE *sincere* LOVE OF MY LIFE! Well, not *everything*; Papa had already preselected the most significant things about it. AHH! What an awkward meeting, I think. It seems like something I wouldn't want to do if I happen to still be single when I turn...mmm.50....55. That's when I just now decided to make a cutoff date for making some of my own arrangements of this nature.


I know I've been a total monster to be around for any, and EVERYONE who isn't Ma'Nana. GAH! fuck you. If you love me, You'll forgive me; You'll feel my aching spirit the way you know I feel yours too. If not? Good riddance. Speaking of which:

Miss Ditzorganized

I can be understanding over the effort that goes into the
preparation of a social event, but for a birthday; I cant get past the fact that you have
prior knowledge of the date this falls on; More-so, even before the actual
birth. The estimation isn’t spot-on, but it is much more defined;
Hopefully, than a death-date.
    So, maybe I was a tad unreasonable
towards your party planning immersion; But, I still maintain the fact
that your festivity arrangements could have been concluded: WITH time
to spare in anticipation of the celebration in question; Whereas: We all
knew my Papa was going to die sometime sooner than was comfortable. We
had a blanket estimate of 6 months which began two days prior to the
actual day of his passing.  
    I proceed with the feelings
initially constructed regarding the matter: Especially, if you expect me
to be understanding of your exertion over composing the events for your
party notwithstanding your advanced prior knowledge of when this
special time would occur.


Blue Jam Tunes
Kismet Witstatic

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