Kismet Witstatic (wrecktangle) wrote,
Kismet Witstatic
wrecktangle

I don't want a single thing; I've already got a Papa.

How am I supposed to be strong. How am I supposed to act? As much as it breaks his heart to see me shed a tear, it slays me to catch him gazing out the window with such a doleful expression. I think it's time for me to switch my thinking process.

His face told me what his lips could never admit. He is ready to go. He needs to be free; I need him to be. I can't keep them inside my eyes anymore. As my ocular ponds emote, they vigorously overflow. I don't even know how to stifle it. Wish I could pause it though. I need to put on an 'okay' face. It's time now, for me to be the guardian.

The only thing I can possibly think of, to console myself; Is how he spent 60 years on earth before I came, familiarizing himself with every detail, and subsequently instilling it upon me as he raised me. It seems only right, since this is how I came to know my home on Earth; He will spend 60 years in heaven before I meet him there. He'll be able to make it home for me, when that time comes. I'll be 84; which is his current age.
The idea,
It doesn't really help me feel *better*, but it does. It's strange. It's not strange I guess; Learning to accept invariable circumstances.

I don't want anything for Christmas. Just, God? Please let me keep Papa as long as possible, without him being so tortured by this life. He is the greatest gift I could ever hope for.
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