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How am I supposed to be strong. How am I supposed to act? As much as it breaks his heart to see me shed a tear, it slays me to catch him gazing out the window with such a doleful expression. I think it's time for me to switch my thinking process.

His face told me what his lips could never admit. He is ready to go. He needs to be free; I need him to be. I can't keep them inside my eyes anymore. As my ocular ponds emote, they vigorously overflow. I don't even know how to stifle it. Wish I could pause it though. I need to put on an 'okay' face. It's time now, for me to be the guardian.

The only thing I can possibly think of, to console myself; Is how he spent 60 years on earth before I came, familiarizing himself with every detail, and subsequently instilling it upon me as he raised me. It seems only right, since this is how I came to know my home on Earth; He will spend 60 years in heaven before I meet him there. He'll be able to make it home for me, when that time comes. I'll be 84; which is his current age.
The idea,
It doesn't really help me feel *better*, but it does. It's strange. It's not strange I guess; Learning to accept invariable circumstances.

I don't want anything for Christmas. Just, God? Please let me keep Papa as long as possible, without him being so tortured by this life. He is the greatest gift I could ever hope for.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 23rd, 2012 03:40 am (UTC)
No gift could be greater, I know my wish is have my loved ones for another year. Me and my grandparents( my dads parents) disagree on some things but I never want them to leave. I viewed my Nana (My moms mother) as another mother and I would be heart broken is she left. I do pray for papa as well
Nov. 24th, 2012 05:56 pm (UTC)
He died on the 22nd. Before you left that comment...
Nov. 24th, 2012 08:56 pm (UTC)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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