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Today, at the hardware store; My grandma confirmed her identity as "Robert". My imagination skyrocketed with this little tidbit. First, I pictured papa's arms wrapped around her from behind; His invisible presence upon the mention of his name.

I then transferred this daydream to my hypothetical future, which I do hope will include a significant lover. I imagined Mr PursuAsian, Mr Deep Blue, even Mr. Loser Baby, or Le Potatobloke; With their arms draped around me (individually);As I similarly declare myself as part of *his* identity.

It gets a bit complicated sometimes; Remembering to trust that God has something special in mind for me. Specifically when heart sparks from past attractions reanimate within me. I never really stopped admiring Deep Blue; I just let him go. I turned away from the idea of him completely.

When my interest continually moves onto a new object, I see that each new interest instantly exceeds all attractions that preceded it. I am able to fully invest myself in hope for the plan.

I'm finally at that juncture; Even though Deep Blue is a person who has captured my allure for 5 years now, and has never truly relinquished it back to me.

I know that if he's meant to be in my life, he will be. If he isn't, Someone who is somehow more magnificent will come to exist in my speck of the universe.

When I witness the (true) love of couples, I don't usually feel disgusted, or lonely, or envious. I have had that reaction before, but it came from a preexisting yearning for someone I recently had to let go of, for whatever reason
But, if I can care enough to admit to myself, the true source of my discontent ;Even then, I realize that the love of lovers is an inspiration.
I am excited to see people acting this way!
Not only does this display of affection increase the integrity of these two people; By demonstrating their capabilities of exerting this emotion with such an intense purity;
It establishes possibilities for others.
For me someday.


Blue Jam Tunes
Kismet Witstatic

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May 2019