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Part 1


The Universe: Shine for me; I challenge thee./ Bring it!/Wake up!
My sister, Toni, always had a quirky accent, and an endearing gait.-Always as if she were dancing. One day in her sophomore year, a teacher accused her of being drunk, and required her to take a sobriety test. This caused her to become outraged. She had never even had alcohol in her life! This incident forced our family to become aware that her little quirk needed to be further examined.
After that, she took some tests at a special doctor’s office which ultimately determined that she had a degenerative disease known as Frederich’s ataxia. Not only would she soon lose her ability to dance, or even walk for that matter; She lost her self esteem; the itinerary for her life was subject to major adjustment.
The circumstance that lay before her forced her to explore, and redefine her sense of ‘self’. This incident compares to the moment, in the tale of ‘The Princess with the Golden Ball”, when the princess loses the ball. Toni’s ‘golden ball’, being her motor skills, and dance abilities.
Campbell’s description of the departure calls attention to the similarities between the struggles of leaving the warmth, and safety of a mother’s womb in birth, and the challenging uncertainty of leaving the protection and stability of a mother’s home in early adulthood.
Refusal of the Call//
Star: My light needs for batteries/I lost it! I dropped it! It fell out of my pocket!/(Groaning), Give me five more minutes.

Although Toni was extremely stubborn in how she chose to handle -her dilemma; her choices were also impressive. She resisted using a cane to help her walk, and refused to use a wheelchair until the day she fell so hard, she was unable to breathe for several minutes.
Belly of the Whale// I would rather fail of my own volition, than risk a failure after demonstrating my greatest effort.
My sister’s circumstance is an extreme representation of what we all somewhat face when we find ourselves in the body of adversity. The, “Oh my God! Who am I?”, moment, when one must re-establish perspective within a modified standpoint. The belly of the whale symbolizes darkness, and confusion. This is when crucial details are painfully plagued by opaque cognizance.
Sometimes I don’t want to grow up. I am so afraid of becoming nothing; Strangely terrified of success. I stay frozen in this fear; Consumed by my doubt, uncertainty, and the daunting idea that I may fall short of meeting the expectations I set for myself- or even more unnerving: Learning that I am absolutely brilliant, because- if I’m brilliant, what on earth is my freaking problem!? I would rather be an idiot who lives at the top of her potential, then a flummoxed genius- a living waste of intellect. These fears, and obsessions can easily create the very fate that delivered them. I was probably never at risk for this outcome until I harbored the mind to fear it.
A person’s decision to refuse the call , originates from a state of either fear, or laziness- the two major human deficits. It sort of reminds me of that part of Astronomy- the space chemical (fear), slowly changes its composition, and at half life we discover that the substance has entirely transformed its structure (into laziness).
Supernatural Aid/Crossing of the First Threshold/Magic Fight/Rescue
Spirit of the Universe: Expose yourself for the magnitude of my Grace to be revealed //Reach for me, and be immersed in my Holy haven

A soul is broken. Instead of mourning this, or (ultimately) perceiving it as destruction; The hero utilizes this as an opportunity to renovate themselves; Reinforce the aspects that remained standing in the aftermath of this challenge, and redefine the structure of aspects that keeled over at the prospect of adversity. It takes a humble person to permit an experience to question the integrity of their utter identity, in a way that allows them to discover advantage by choosing to welcome- to embrace this condemnation of their overall composition.
This journey is often associated with the moment when a child is strained through the narrow threshold betwixt youth, and adulthood. They are met with a realization that the time is upon them to accept responsibility for that which defines them. Sometimes, this is through means of an undesirable variation of those things which the individual, identifies with.
In my sister’s circumstance, She was an amazing dancer. She practiced endlessly, and aspired limitlessly toward the goal of someday turning it into a career. After being diagnosed with her disease, this was no longer a possibility.

Crossing Return Threshold//Master of Two Worlds
I struggle to stop analyzing my reality, and start influencing it. It feels so gratifying to be wrapped safely in a nourishing cocoon of knowledge, and wisdom. It is an addictive feeling, to remain safe enough while softening my exterior, to allow (God) to fully penetrate my identity. I am terrified that to cross back over the threshold, is to return to the confusion I felt when I began this journey. I know there is a way to sustain my growth, and transformation, while existing as proof of the supernatural influence which furnished my success. I struggle to find balance; Between introspective dreaming, and manifesting the fiber to yield enough vivifying substance to adequately dignify the blessings I received; I grapple with my attempts to distinguish feelings of intuition from twinges of impulse- specifically in situations where waiting is not a viable option. I strive to accept the concept of ‘the Unknown’. God is something I can know. Even if I am greeted in afterlife by destitute emptiness; If I cannot ascertain proof beyond my faith - I am unable to deny that He is ever-present inside of me. I cannot extrapolate God’s lack of existence from this, because He already exists so clearly in the absence of such evidence. I can painstakingly swallow the concept of ‘unknown’, with a spoonful of substantiating my trust in ’the Plan’.
I used to HATE my hair. I used to cry and hit myself in the head from my frustration with it. I had to learn how to work with it on my own, since it is a uniqueness of mine which is not shared by any member of my family. Now, I love it. I love my hair SO MUCH, I would absolutely choose this hair exactly, if I were given the opportunity. God knew me better than I knew myself -because He made me, and this illustrates that it is a relief to unequivocally trust in Him. Its just that it is also a constant effort to maintain. through the torment of this flawed, hanus reality.


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