This is a prayer I wrote when I was 15:
Hello, I am praying with all my heart for the loving Lord to take my life. Please! I don't want to be here anymore. I can't (under)stand life anymore, I cant! I am begging, please Lord, take my life. I want to be with you now. I can't make it in the world. I am miserable. I am ready.
This is God's response to me- written through me:
Come with me, take my hand. Walk with me to the moon.
I will lead you in the most amazing dance across the stars.
Count them with me, Bring with, your dreams, and your fears.
Together we will fly through all of your years.
Hand in hand, now we glide
Among the clouds we stride
I will guide your life
We will dance through castles where children's dreams thrive.
Remember these skies?
I took both your hands, and led you with closed eyes.
You lived in me-
Come with me- Dance on the sea
Deep in the earth, travel with me.
Heaven is close, in the beautiful reef
Another world within a world.
Hand in hand, now we swim
One of these days, a dream boat will come and we'll sail away.
But together now, we sail the sky in this day.
When you're face to face with destiny
you'll have no breath left to ask why
and no predisposition toward, 'goodbye'.
*alternate- *end your life.
Expounding on My Discovery; My Sermon
Ladies and Gentleman, have you ever been so full of heartache, you've contemplated suicide? Don't be ashamed. Although putting an end to your life is a shameful act- the feeling of suicide is a misconception of emotion.
What you are truly feeling is the desire to end your current circumstances. You are experiencing a lack of substance possibly? Over exertion- You are working so hard, but can't seem to find meaning?
Your soul is begging you to ask God to take your life. What you are asking is not that God end your life- but that He take charge of your life- implement His Holy meaning- Use your working hands to complete his Glorious Plan.
Often times, people are fooled into believing that once they've given their lives to God- they will stop experiencing pain and stress. They are deceived into believing that their suffering has ended. Though this is thoroughly untrue- You can take pride in the knowledge that the pain and suffering in your life is not without cause.
Pain and suffering is Gods divine way of shaping you into the person He wants you to be- Which, cooincidentally- is also the person you've always wanted to be.. Because you carry an innate sense of the path that you are destined to follow. Your soul has a deep hunger for God's message- the energy that comes from your body each day that you wake- yearns to be spent Glorifying your Father.
So, children, through your adversity, you will come to know the Holy spirit, and you will learn to trust God's plan. With your questions, you have opportunities to receive answers directly from the divine- through being receptive, and constantly trying your hardest not to let the faintest whisper evade your perception. Receive guidance from God through a personal, intimate relationship that you cultivate with Him- by remaining open to His voice, by contemplating the deep holy meaning of all adversity, by abstaining from laziness- You cannot expect your life to be lived FOR YOU. If a job needs to be done through God, it is through YOUR HANDS that He shall be served- if you desire it. The reason God Chose not to reach down from the heavens to fix your booboos- Free will. As you learn to trust God, you come to understand the level of trust God has given you. He knows that you live to serve Him, whether you too, know - or not. The truth remains in front of your face, you must avert yourself from it if you do not want to Intimately know it. .
I find the fact that I was 15 when writing this letter, to be an extremely significant detail to my message. At around that age, it is said that an adolescent assumes responsibility for their own faith in God. Before that age (I believe it’s actually 12?), He takes care of the children without expecting them to understand. My family never let me experience true suffering. I was ridiculed by my peers at school. Although that is unpleasant, it is superficial, and does not truly promote suffering. Whilst I admitted at the time to lacking a legitimate cause for my hopelessness, and despair, it was there. Sincere, and strong.
I now attribute this profound anguish to having been my internal response to the newfound responsibility of choosing my own direction. It was my soul’s manifestation of complete disorientation regarding the progression of my life.
2 Corinthians 5; 1-4
New King James Version (NKJV)
For we who are in this
tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but
further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.