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Today I finally felt spunky again, after being completely despondent. I have been avoiding facebook because of the sensitive condition of my heart. My mom had a couple drinks today to blow off some steam.

She expressed to me, all the ways that her heart was still claimed by pain. Abdullah was unhappy to hear that I was born because I was not a boy. When my mom called him the day I was born; He scolded her for not giving him a son. Dear God, I pray for You to heal the pain in my mom's heart. Please allow her turmoil to add depth and beauty to the love she has with Steve. Please help me to be an amazing success, so that my father regrets the day he felt anything other than blessed for having me. I love the family I have. I know that I am blessed for the life You gave me. I cannot help but also feel so much pain for both my mom's heartache, and for my own dejection from my father. Please also help me heal and overcome this sadness. Help me cultivate the wisdom you intended from this; So that I may grow into
the beautiful creature you created me to be.

This situation is so difficult for me. Although I have always wanted to have you in my life, I also feel so hurt that I missed out on a childhood with all of you. You all (my siblings) have grown with each other throughout your lives, and so will always have a strong bond with each other. I am not more than a stranger to you. Though I am thankful that you all had a great daddy, I want the best for you always; This doesn't keep me from the pain of not having any of you in my life as I grew up. It is better to finally have you now, than never to meet you at all. I am struggling to let go of this pain, and be completely thankful for the blessing of receiving you.


Blue Jam Tunes
Kismet Witstatic

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May 2019