I haven't been able to express myself lately. I haven't been able to look people in the eyes because it hurts. I have to force myself. I just noticed it today, how i force myself to look. : the pain runs up through the bottom of my stomach, it wraps around my shoulders and shoots down to the middle of my back and i feel like i am going to tip over every time i do. I have always done that because the feeling is similar.


November is the hardest month of the year...for everyone.
they all come and spill their hearts on my feet.
the juices turn to cement and i'm stuck

I don't know who or what i am anymore.

Instead of feeling protected
i feel i have to protect myself
even though i have more people watching out for me than ever before.


IF i dont find a release for myself soon, the reprrecussions will be physical.