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To Nate

st4rfox I took you off my friendslist a long time ago. I'm considering adding you back just so you can see this.

1. I liked you so much. No matter how many times you apologized to me for it, it doesn't change the fact that you were so mean to me,but i do forgive you. you also thought everything i said to you was a lie, so that I could have things in common with you, when truthfully, I had no idea that my statement applied to you too.

2. You told me that I loved you. how asinine can you be? I'd only known you for what, 2 months? maybe 7 when you had to "inform me" of this discovery you made. You said you were my mentor. do you know what a mentor is? Someone who teaches you, guides you, leads you. Often someone you want to be like, admire, or respect. None of those things applied to our "ship". Yeah, you were there when i was struggling, but remember, I was there for you too. our friendship was one of equals; peers.

3. Whenever I said something smart, you would always have to say "for once". "Sarah, your right for once", "Sarah, you said something smart for once!" WHY? do you think that i'm not always capable of speaking my mind? I am. and "for once" seems to be a statement better applied to you.

4. If it wasn't for your stupid advice(stop playing the part), I would have someone by now. I was doing perfectly fine acting weak, and being the one with nothing good to say, By letting the other boys and girls get all the answers, and admiring them like they were heroes. Even though I knew the better way to phrase it, and the background details, I could still act impressed. Now my problem is that I make people feel inferior, insignificant, intimidated. They don't even want to talk to me now, because their afraid they won't know what to say, and I don't know how to play the part anymore, I have to work on THAT now.

5. You compared yourself to colin. Colin of all people, who I liked through my hard times, who yes, i must have obsessed over him, because I DONT KNOW WHY. but you had no plans to allow me to grow up in my emotions, you kept accusing me of turning you into a "colin fantasy". Weather I turned you into a fantasy or not, this imagination belongs to me. I can think of you in any way I choose, weather that is putting you up on a pedistol, or grinding you into the dirt. I can obsess over you, forget about you, ignore you, focus on you. Its up to me, and you thinking you can "allow" or "disallow" something that goes on in my mind, was completely domineering.

6. You took the gumption to critisize my love. You had meghan, I had brandon. instead of being happy for me, you critisized every single part of it. like you could have taken his place or something. you made me feel like a terrible person for finally finding someone who i have feelings for. you were the ring leader in making me feel like shit for finding my soul mate. yes, soul mate, we are very happily together now, and doing much better than you and meghan ever did, thanks.

7. You yelled at me for what i posted in my own journal. so meghan can treat me like a total bitch, and that's completely fine, but I can't write about it in my own personal journal, or better yet, if I do, I have to be domineering myself in disallowing my friends to vocalize their opinions on the matter. THEY ARE ON MY FRIENDS LIST FOR A REASON! I WANT TO GET TO KNOW THEM, AND I VALUE THE OPINIONS THEY HAVE ON MY LIFE! it's not like I flashed it in your face, or hers. This is my own personal, private journal, and don't you forget it.

8. And after all of this, you cut me out of your life like I'm the one that did shit to you. all I have to say is thanks.


Aug. 12th, 2005 01:40 pm (UTC)
woah! he is on my friends list. It's a small lj world!
Aug. 12th, 2005 01:47 pm (UTC)
lol i noticed


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