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What I found Was Love
I already know that you will never understand how I feel.

I put my hand on your arm. My body is filled with the feel of you. My eyes well up with tears, these tears are hard to explain. They are a mixture of the love I have for you, and the feelings that will never be understood by you. They are the tears that mourn for the lost love, that hasn’t even been born to you. You glance away, you focus your attention on someone beautiful on the outside. Dirty and vendictive on the inside, oblivious to the beauty in front of you. You don’t know that every site I see is beautiful when I see it with you. That I take notice of everything, that I appreciate life when I’m by your side. You don’t know that ‘I’m not jealous of anyone when I’m the only one by your side. I am so happy with the feel of you, that I could die. Every word you say is a revelation to me, even if it’s just to hear your voice. When my phone rings, I know it’s you. I don’t know how, I just do. I want to be the one that you are longing to come home to. God is giving me a preview of heaven every time I see you. And when you say “I love you”, I could go deaf and never hear anything else, I could be happy with the sound of your voice playing over again in my head. I tilt my head to the sky and pray a silent thank you to the Lord, yet I am filled with doubt and anger toward him. What is his plan with me? Why must I look, yet never touch. Why must I love and lose, without ever being loved? Why don’t I deserve you? What I found was love, a disappointment beyond explanation.


Blue Jam Tunes
Kismet Witstatic

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