warhol Selfie


Wow so I was thinking about why it's so difficult for me to sing in front of anyone::


It's as if every word that anyone ever said about my voice/singing, is physically floating in the space around us, occupying the breathing room.

Collapse )


I’ve been starving to, “say”, for so long that I’m still hungry AF. They so all care for me but people didn’t listen and i let my own fervor build up until i was surrounded by a world sized wall of words, and could see nothing but sky above me.-

I don’t think it’s possible for me to reel myself back in, because once i let me out, it realized I don’t have enough inner space for so much mind material.

GOD. there is no such thing as a pregnant pause. They’re all running (around) the city


Hear me out

In an attempt to hack the area between disclosure and vulnerability, A super long time ago, I prayed for a very specific omen from OM, to indicate that I have encountered the ideal situation AND person, to become immeshed with

I do subscribe to the belief that we each have a number of potential soulmates.

Collapse )

Jell Hea!!!

My mom interrupts me a lot. A LOT a lot. Like wont let me finish a sentence. It actually causes me to feel that she, and many others- have absolutely no interest in knowing who I am; They just love me.

I fucking don’t know if thats even enough but, You know,? If no one is actually listening, why should I force the bestowal of my awesomeness upon them? I will not speak thee; Seek me to see me.



She has a classic jazz voice that feels like it is calling me home to my roots. Vexing me, on the matter, that I have not been true. I want to stretch my range;- push my limits,-see how far I can go. But somehow, in that I have gone astray from what I really am, and maybe that's where I should explore now.

I don't make much of myself when I try to abide by standard circadian rhythms. Reversely, I don't always make the most of myself when I've been awake for too long. There is really no guarantee that I'll make anything of myself at all. Some days fly by behind my eyes. Man I don't blink twice.
My mind and body;-one is hungry, the other, lethargic. I can't tell which is what.- But one of them is feeling completely constrained by the other.

Hard and Soft

I've grown accustomed to talking to you every day. Since I've begun to confide in you, I've been updating my own journal less. Using you as my human diary. Maybe that's not such a good thing. After all, it only seems romantic because of that song by Tony Tony Tone.

You punish me, by not calling for days after we argue. One is understandable, but any more than that is excessive. You expect me to believe you suddenly feel completely different about me? I don't buy it. I just sent a letter out today, that explains that I apologize for letting my temper take over so quickly; I did not adequately express myself, due to being so flustered in the moment. For that, I was wrong. My essential point is still valid though. 

We both need to respect each others outlined limits. It places one on edge to surmise that at any given moment, the other person plans to bulldoze through one’s comfort zone. Does it not? I am also at fault for not thoroughly addressing this aspect of kink earlier. Respect is sexy. It fortifies trust, and trust is needed. Ultimately, though- limits are not very sexy to discuss. I’d ideally like to trust you without realizing this, and you be deserving of my trust.


Amღr 29

I think I figured out why you didn’t receive any of your pictures and some of my letters. I read through the mail rules on the website the other day. It says you can’t possess more than 40 pictures at one time, and additional pictures are considered contraband. It said you couldn’t trade the pictures in your possession with ones being kept from you, so it seems you have to throw them away. If you write down the numbers of the ones you want reprinted after all is said and done, I will do that for you. It might be best to throw mine, because I can guarantee they’re replaceable. I could also get a bunch of pictures printed onto one bigger page. Do you know if there are mail size restruictions? It’s also strange they haven’t contacted you about this. It says in the rules that they would make you choose whether you want to cover the costs of returning them to sender, or having them destroyed. That almost makes me unsure of whether it would even behoove you to throw the ones you have away? But if you did, then you would, for all intents and purposes, no longer be in possession of them..? I wonder why they have that rule. Its really fucked up. I feel like it might seem less cruel and unusual if I understood the reasoning?. Are they afraid of you skadooing? (Blue’s Clues). 

Collapse )