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crazy

this love is so crazy. I want to be the best friend in the world--the kind of friend who's there for a friend, so they don't feel awkward talking to me about anything. I have a few friends like that, and I tresure them more than all the money and gold in the world, I want to be that kind of treasure. I pray to God to give me that power. Love is so crazy, and I hate it so much right now. I want to surpass these insignificant feelings and get on with my life. Love has never been kind to me, and I doubt that it ever will be. I'm just that ugly chick, that crazy girl...I will never be looked at as more. No... Everyone who I like doesn't like me, why does life have to be like that? I don't even feel justified complaining because people like me too, but I have standards. If I didn't have standards I might be dating this boy named london right now, or this girl named venitta, but I do! I obviously don't fit other people's standards also. What's wrong with me? I swear to God I'd still be bulimic if I didn't want to have kids so bad, I don't care what he thinks or if he'd never talk to me again, cuz he doesn't like me anyway and he's not gonna be the one to accept me for who i am now. I FEEL FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it seems like the problem of the week is being accepted for who sarah is. WHO IS SHE?! I know who she is. . . Poems that don't rhyme, song's with no tune, a melody that is silence... that's who sarah is. Who understands me????????

NOT THAT GOOD OF A POEM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My arms tell a story
Splattered confusion dripping softly from my veins
There is no other way to tell a tale of this pain
As we travel through the virtues of life and liberty
I will show you the only method of release that works for me
If you love me like you say
You can accept me in every way
My arms tell a story of my life in progress
As I tell you all the details, you slowly digress
Do you love me at all
I will crumble, I will fall
Without the small marks on my
Arms I will be
Nothing at all, not even it who is me.
You would not know best
If I never slid
A blade across my chest
To see all the good it did
You would never rest
Solemnly in peace
If you knew who I was
Without all I’ve cut



A BETTER POEM
***************
Condescending words, brush against my ego
your over powering figure wipes a tear trickling down my cheek
I do not know where to start
All the times I’ve needed you
as the tears flow freely
Telling God how I’ve prayed for you
You came to me for reasons
that God and I only know
you will never understand
the power of your own hands
The love in your heart that flows so deeply
and it is a blessing, you give it to me.
Distant memories
of sitting alone
closing my eyes
Pretending that a golden eyed angel would appear
I open them to realize, you are right here
you are always standing near.
Now I realize it has become
My worst fear, to lose you
clutching to you tightly
even in dreams
I search for you mercilessly
through the catacombs of my heart
through the shadows of my persona
The intangible meadows in my soul are set a blaze
I am lost without you.


WHERE ARE YOU BRANDON?


busy in love with someone else..
IT felt so good to have the blood splattering across my body
rolling around in agony...or was it bliss? I miss that feeling so much. I have a bag somewhere in my room with 6 sharpened blades and an empty siringe. You know what I could do with that? But i hid it from myself and blocked it from my memory, thank the lord, I must've known I'd break sooner or later, and in the worst possible moment, a day or two and I leave to see my family. what would they say? It's one thing to be covered in scars, another thing to be covered in cuts. I remember the night that my mom came at me, I gave her some look or something confused, and she hurt me.


I don't know what to do anymore
I'm not depressed, I'm just confused
what should I Say? My mouth is closed I'm done.




Okay I'm not done. I went to this journal once, it was like iwant or something and it was really cool, she wrote I WANT in all of her entrees. it was cool cause it was like a theme. I dont feel like a carebear anymore, I'm too timid. Is that the word I'm looking for? But I love that nickname... it was because I look like a carebear, but i kept the name cuz I act like one lol...............................haaaaaaaah......................life..

K now i'm just babbling, I was done when i said i was, but thanks for making the extra effort reading this.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Jul. 8th, 2004 09:21 pm (UTC)
carebear
Sarah, you are that friend. At least to me. I think I could tell you anything if you just asked. And I love you for who you are. Not just like, but love. Because I think your fantasmajorical (hahaha)....I feel fat too. And fuck 'em if they dont like that.

i like the second poem much better too.

i wish i could tell you what to do about brandon, make him not be an ass or make you forget him. But I cant do that, and why would you want to? I cant help. But Ill listen just the same.

lol, im in such a sentimental mood today...









*j
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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