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USED!!!

I dont know if i feel justified saying this. Thats why its on my journal, and i'm not going up confronting the world about it. I feel used. I feel terrible. It's Brandon's birthday right now and I wanted to make it a good birthday but I failed. I really hope one day he will have a good birthday and i will be involved in that. On the flip side, I am going through a really hard time right now and it feels like all I need is for someone to hold me and comfort me. That is the one thing I cannot get at all. I dont know what friends definition of "need" is but I feel that I'm going to have a breakdown if someone doesn't hold me soon. I just got a call from him asking if I was going to be home soon but they just wanted to use me to get through to someone obviously more important to them. I see how it all is. I got lost down the street and everyone got all annoyed at me for being lost so I called my friend from out of town and she didn't know where anything was. She was just my moral support and I think she even got annoyed with me so Fuck this other people stuff, I'm going to have to be self sufficient and self reliant. Nobody to hold me but me, nobody to kiss my booboo's or be there for me to talk to but ME!!!!!!

gold heart
Heart of Gold


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Feb. 20th, 2004 02:57 pm (UTC)
I LOVE YOU
ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay. Now that Ive got that out of the way, Id like to say that I think Brandons a bit of an ass. Or more of an ass. Either one. ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second, I know what you mean, because Ive felt like that before. Im actually really touchy feely because I didnt get the lovin I needed when I was younger and little older, so Im just starting to get into the swing of things with people touching me. I almost always feel like I want to be held, and rarely am. I dont breakdown though, and Im okay. So youll be okay. And Id hug you only I live far far away in the land of Id. So I just might send Nets down to hug you for me. Jump on someone and demand to be loved. Do it, damnit.
ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Third, you know Im always here if you want to talk. And Ill even kiss your booboo... maybe... that might get a little kinky. Hm... weird.
ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fourth, I think that the majority of your friends are dipshits, or at least acting like it. I dont really know, I havent met them. But its kinda seeming that way. Anyway, please dont get bitter. Grow from it. Maybe find some new friends. But please dont become bitter and close your pretty golden heart off to the world. Dont let people control you like that. Because I know youre more powerful than you seem.
ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last but not least, I got a crystal heart :-D (Strong. Open minded. Spiritual. You give yourself to anyone in need, and are the held near and dear by everyone hwo loves you. You long for someone who will respect and honor you, appreciate your great gifts.) What do you think?
ILOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Jackie
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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