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Cheek-chewing, Signed Cognition

I love writing because it gives me a chance to make sense. Sometimes...(mm today actually... ) i look a whole string of words up in the thesaurus; words that are completely unrelated; nowhere close to synonymous, just to figure out how to most accurately convey/share my thoughts that don't connect to language in their original form. 
I like how sign language uses ideograms; they make meaningful sense to me. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way: The average two year old, english speaking child knows about 15 words. Children who are the same age, using sign language, know about 75 word signs. Across America, sign language dialect, i.e hand signs, regionally vary. These communicative gaps are bridged quickly, and efficiently. Many of the signs employ natural logic, and instinct.
When i came to understand basic principles of sign language, I stopped understanding the reason for shouting to one and other across crowded concerts halls, when we all should be using signed language!! My favorite signed word is,"belief". There is not actually a sign for the word, It is instead depicted as
the concept of, "a thought, one has married".
இ I think world peace is terrifying, only because of the holy bible's omen of this denoting the world's end /இ; Nonetheless, sign language would drastically improve; evolve, "communication", and, "comprehension", entirely; in turn, causing a world in harmony, to be accessible. 
The Deaf community calls their planet, "Eyeth"; foreign to Earth, the hearing world. This sentiment depicts a rupture in humanity, which is devastating. Earth should be accessible to all. As #oneworld, we are #onebody, and cannot be fluid as such; until this injustice is rectified. Lest, acknowledged
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I wanted to try and make you understand why my story, 'escalated so quickly'. It began as a mere fantasy
...very difficult to write, because my mind portrayed it vividly within seconds, and I really wanted to completely capture it, so that I could return to the details when they were no longer the same.. Even if I wasn't masturbating, I would climax about every 2 lines, using my phone: Holding it and typing with my secondary hand (muhh.. Mostly i was masturbating).
Dependably yielding.
I wanted to be able to share with a partner, how far a scenario could potentially go, because I also know these are details that I couldn't imagine how to disclose.

I'm really not submissive, as far as my character is concerned,(i'm passive-assertive). It's only my sexuality, and that's almost why I can't bear to share fantasies.
It's like... I don't want someone I'm really into, to completely start treating me differently.
I’m generally in charge, and although relinquishing this duty, in theory; would provide immense relief,
I don't trust anyone else to be the boss.
In normal everyday life, i would prefer to be my lover’s equal. The small exception comes when they know me well enough to correct self sabotaging behaviors.

When I've played in the past, it was always I, who arranged the spanking. I mostly stayed in control. I would end it if I got a little scared, even if I requested beforehand that I be stripped of this authority.

The only person I didn't hold the power with, was Le'Big-'N-Bad. She took it way too far, which would have actually been okay if she would have cared for me afterwards. She pushed me so harshly beyond my limits, I just needed her to forgive me even though she was never mad.
This breakdown, I think, was mostly my fault. She spanked me because I wanted her to. She did that for me, and I became selfish in her eyes, when I kept needing more. I didn't know I would need that because that never happen before; She hit me way too hard from the beginning, and she was extremely mean to me verbally.
Ideally, you would speak to me sweetly, and you wouldn't feel the need to hit so hard. Time naturally intensifies sensation; meat gets tender with heat.

Tenderize |ˈtendəˌrīz|
verb
make (meat) more tender by beating or slow cooking.

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