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Did you ever know?

Do you know that you left my mother's heart broken? She did her best to make you see that she was strong, but I remember from when I was an infant, the way she, and you would talk on the phone, which always ended in her weeping herself to sleep on the floor by the phone, which was right outside my bedroom.
I realize that my child mind couldn't comprehend what was actually happening, but I knew it was about me. I understood that, "Sarah", "My baby", "My daughter". "My little girl", was me. I felt like she was crying about having me, and asking you why you didn't want me. I felt like you didn't want me. I saw her full of sorrow, and I assumed all the blame in my tiny mind, which couldn't have been more than 3 years old. You left a family broken without you, and we stayed that way without while you created a whole new, better life without us. So now, it's very difficult for me to make the transition between a child's conception, and maturely understanding. I realize that although I truly was in the center of contention between you, I really did not cause this. She still cries about you sometimes. I still wonder why I didn't deserve to have a daddy, even though a part of myself understands how immeasurably flawed that is. Did you ever know how we would ache for you?

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Eyedea
wrecktangle
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