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mmgh

My thoughts have been extremely disjointed. Instead of writing until my bubble rounds out, I have been allowing myself to update with my fragments, after so many times of discarding these pieces. I am the type of person who saves puzzle and game pieces when I clean; Always ending with the full set in tact. It bothers me to imagine that there is a way of knowing, while also not knowing some things. Ideas which inspire through my vexing inability to unknow them. Like, cancer. Like never really knowing if we're out of the woods.

Sircone is pregnant. So is Heedlessmiss, or shall I say, Heedlessmrs, since she's getting married at least. I'm worried for her physical condition, as; pregnancy will surely deteriorate it. I don't want to care for her, but I deeply do. I'm not as much saddened by the idea of a child for her, because she already has a son. With Sircone, it's much different. For selfish reasons only, I'm full of woe. I'll miss his freedom, and company. Plus, to be honest, I thought he and I would eventually get together. I know that she is more right for him than I am. I know that he loves her very much. For these things, I am overjoyed. I hope to become friends with her, like my mom did with her male best friend's girlfriend. I also felt a sense of parallel with Sircone; Like he and I were next to each other in life's trajectory. Now, he's nowhere near me, and in my solitude, I weep for camaraderie. He was nearly the last person I knew of, who was my age and not a parent. I don't know if I'll find anyone my age without children. I don't know if i can be a step-mom. Maybe it divinely fits me, since I'm terrified of being pregnant. I guess I can't be too devastated over conceptions of who I would be by now; I had so many different ones. I'm nowhere near one of them.

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Eyedea
wrecktangle
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