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MAD

I am so mad, this world is being so unfair! My mom has cancer, and even though the cells are growing slow, she still has cancer and it will never ever go away. She is my only immediate family! My grandparents and uncle live down the street but their all in really bad shape too and will probably only last me a little while if I had to live with them, I'd wear them down. They might make it to my wedding if they can take it easy. OF COURSE my uncle is a janitor and is forced to do the heavy work even though he can barely walk!! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! WHO the hell will I live with?? WHO?! What will I do without my mom? SHe is my hidden strength, my power, whenever Im down she lifts me right back up, she gives me the kind of love I need, there have been a few times when IVe walked in wordless and teary eyed and by the time I left her prescence I was smiling. She doesnt deserve this pain, she makes the most out of life, she enjoys what she does! If anyone should have cancer, it should be me! my mom should be able to go out and change the world like I know she can, she changes my world every single day in a new and exciting way. She deserves to go on and change others lives! Her hummor and jokes are what makes my house feel like a home and I will not put up with this!!! If I could do anything I would take her place! sure shes a lot older than be but she has made more out of herself than I ever will. She deserves happieness more than I do and she deserves to be healthy again. So Im pretty pissed off right now because the world is unjust to my mother and I. Even I deserve a mother, who doesnt? I just cant believe that God and mother earth are robbing me of my glory, my only mom, the only person I can call that without my stomach turning, the only person who I can talk to, the only person who can change me.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Mar. 22nd, 2002 09:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry
I dont know what to say. But i am sorry and i wish things to get better.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 22nd, 2002 09:10 pm (UTC)
Sarah! :(
Sarah! OMFG...I can't believe your mom has cancer! I would die if I ever found out my mom had cancer because she's more than important to me & my life too. I can totally relate to you with how close you are to your mom, I am too! God, I feel terrible. You must be thinking the worst of thoughts right now. When did you guys find out? I had NO idea! If I can do ANYTHING, let me know. I mean since Kirsten's gone right now, I can try and be that one person you wanna get online and talk to, I'm good at listening! E-mail me if you want to -k- Luvyah! *Sam*
(Anonymous)
Mar. 22nd, 2002 09:11 pm (UTC)
hey
Hey you shouldn't think so lowly of yourself you are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I am really sorry so many bad things are happening to you. But you should try to live through them the best you can, and make the most out of life. Try to be strong and keep your head up. You deserve the best in life for being such a great person and don't you forget it!

~Lee
(Anonymous)
Mar. 23rd, 2002 09:42 pm (UTC)
well umm i dont really know what to say but i really care about you and i will always be here for you no matter what happens.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 23rd, 2002 09:52 pm (UTC)
hey

I'm sorry u have to go through this. U r a wonderful person and u shouldn't go through this. But u have a life ahead which I know u'll make the best of it. U have ur friends, who I know, are special to u. They r willing to help and I am too. I know this is a time which u will be sad. I know if I lost such a close family member, I'd feel agravated too. But I know u'll go on. U will, I know.
~steph~
(Anonymous)
Mar. 24th, 2002 12:31 pm (UTC)
This makes me feel sad. I always feel sad when somebody else feels sad.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 24th, 2002 06:32 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh Sarah! I'm so sorry. Even though we're miles and miles apart, I'm here for you.Your mom's strong, she has a nore thatn 50% chance more than anybody else of surving. I know she won't give up without a fight for you and herself. Just love, hope and above all, pray for her. That's the best you can do. I'm here for you. All of us are.
Your Friend Through Thick and Thin,
*Cassy* E-mail me when u need to talk.k?
(Anonymous)
Mar. 24th, 2002 09:12 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry...
Shit, Sarah!! I am so fuckin' sorry...! Um... as u can imagine, I don't really know what to say, but I honestly hope that your mom gets better. I know that feeling... when ur mom is the only u trust sometimes. I always wonder what I am going to do if I'm forced to live without my mom one day, too. I almost fuckin' crying 4 u right now. I'll pray 4 u and I think it's unfair that God did that to u. I really wanna help u, but I guess I can't... but I just want u to know that u can tell me stuff NE time if u want. I always try to be a good friend and I'm sorry if I haven't been so far. If it's going to help u at all, u can tell me NEthing. I won't make fun of u, really! U have reasons to make fun of me too, u know. Best wishes to u and ur mom. I luv u.
Katerina
(Anonymous)
Mar. 25th, 2002 01:17 pm (UTC)
hey
hey,
Wow. I was a little taken a back by that entry. I just want to shair a little with you Sarah and hopefully it will help a little.

I don't know how you are as far as religion goes but you know me. So I want to just outline a few things for you. Your mom sounds like a great person. And I know it's hard to watch her go through pain. And I know she doesn't deserve it, but it's happening as part of god's plan. That may not be very comforting right now but I want you to take this knoledge away from what I'm writing here. God loved you so much that he sent his only sone to die for you. And his only son died a terrible death so that you might have a chance to be saved. He has a plan for each of us. He gives a choice to take the gift he offers or to leave it. If your mom has believed that Jesus came and did for her she will be in heaven if she passes away. And if you have made that decision as well you will see your mom again. I'm sure it's not easy living a life where you don't know what is going to happen--and I'm sure it seems like there isn't a god, but let me tell you there is and he loves you. He wants you to be part of *his* family.

I don't really know what else to say. Without knowing if you are saved and your mom is saved I can't provide too much more help. But I'm here for you in any event if you need someone to talk to. I will pray for you and put you on our list at church.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 25th, 2002 05:58 pm (UTC)
Sorry
Hey Sarah I'm really sorry I'd like to say I know how you feel but honestly I don't. I'm very close to my mom even though I don't admit it sometimes. I know she'll make it, she wouldn't give up on you stay in there I'm always here if you need someone to talk to!

~~~Ashley
angila
Mar. 25th, 2002 10:13 pm (UTC)
sarah-
hey i know what u feel (sorta). one of my friends mom died last year and she didnt show her struggle but i know she had a great deal of loss. he mom died of cancer. i know ur mom will make it thru it. theres going to be so very difficult times during this time period but she loves u VERY much. NEVER forget that. u have so many wonderful friends and family members who care for u. we'll always be their, no matter WHAT happeneds. i hope u are feelings better and i wish ur mom the best of luck!
luv-
angela
(Anonymous)
Apr. 13th, 2002 09:30 am (UTC)
hey babe....well we talked about this over the phone, ur strong so dont doubt urself....luv ya soooo much!
~jess
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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