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Automatic Oven

I have been fascinated with Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino, recently. I find that I don't even know where to begin with this. Maybe I should make a quick buzz list of all that I want to be sure to mention.
-Risk
-Vivid listener
-Confidence
-Fear relatedness
-Burning skin
-Mom
-Nana's surgery
-Open up more
-Boyfriend?

So, I met this guy, Brody, in the park while we were both walking our dogs. He's my exact same age. Interesting guy... His cameo in my story, was to emphasize the importance and value of opening up to life. He, overall; pressured me to move faster than I was ready for, and had a habit of constantly seeking validation of ego, using shenanigans. Shenanigans! I was inspired by him, nonetheless.-Moved to get back in touch with life; With people; To at least try to let myself love as deeply as I naturally do. Keeping safe barricading myself in a fortress of isolation, is so much more dangerous than every possible risk.
On the topic of risk...I spontaneously decided to forward a text message to my absolute favorite show, "Risk", an audio podcast where "people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share"!, as a story pitch. The host, Kevin Allison, replied so quickly, it made me squeal like a little girl,-in the most beautiful of ways. I am so thrilled and excited to say that he was interested in my story. !!!!!!!!!!!  I am working on my recording. sSssOO excited about this possibility!!
http://risk-show.com/
(Tangent?) I have ridiculous amazing aim, unless the shadow of doubt creeps across my mind before the object leaves my grasp. This is an eloquent metaphor for life trajectory.

Very shortly after I met Brody; Appaulo invited me to the concert of an artist I had never heard of, Childish Gambino. I told him I wanted to see if I was into his music before agreeing. I was kind of leery of listening too closely, for fear of finding something I didn't like, so I listened distantly. I wanted so badly to accept Appaulo's invite; and I did find that I liked the music.
The concert itself was such a moving experience. At that time, My mom's life and health were still up in the air, and I was similarly distant from myself (thoughts asthmatic) . I was afraid to explore the depths of my emotion. I would get signs from songs with lyrics like, (Gorillaz) "Don't go over the edge, You have nothing to gain.", which I took to mean: Don't ride into the depths of every sorrow; Some problems don't have solutions.
During the, "Childish Gambino",  concert, I zoned out/or in to it. I was removed from myself, thus immersed in the moment. It was only later, listening to the album at home, that I realized how intimately I was tuned into him. He was truly speaking my sentiments. It was insane. I was sort of validated by the way he seems to be as lost as I am.
(To take you there: At the speed of sound, You are violently submerged into the ocean, so deep you can't see any light from the sun: Your eardrums explode, You can't tell up from down, You have no oxygen, you're starving, and, just to toss a wild card into the mix, you really have to take a shit. What now, bitches? YIKES!)
Obviously, I had to learn all about him, and explore his standup comedy, which I loooved!! I relate to him so much! One thing I would love to ask him though, is on his bit about, discerning your cultural affiliation by analyzing the way others treat you. I love it because I'm racially ambiguous, and through this scope, it turns out I'm every culture: Baby, it's all in me; and I'm willing to claim any ethnicity that assumes me! I wonder what race he would treat me as.


His song, "Heartbeat", makes me think of Compli'Katlyn. The way i started to compose her valentines day gift in November;- it was going to be a song.
I started a few different possibilibeats.... this bitch-ho was all sinister-rogue though. She would get this evil gleam, then say something super-mean. Like a knife.
That same night i started the song, she, hearing it distantly from my earbuds,- insulted the f**k out of it. I can't- and don't want to recall the exact phrase she spat out.
It makes me think of this song because of how the chorus is more in love, than the verses are. The verses came where the fork stuck in us called it done, and two become "one", we invariably must. . Otherwise this one would lose her shit and shank the pretty bitch. Wonder what the f**k is this? If it's really love, It isn't worth the copper flavoring in a sip of wishing well water. I untoss pennies and uncross my longing. Real love is God, and bitch, guess what!? God thought my song was so hot; Off the chain, from your spokes too soOn- sent you flyin' off the handle, cause you're too cocky, riding your with: no hands on your naked heart.

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