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I talk too much//Somnambulist

For too long now, I have been avoiding the whole world. Even at school, I never ask questions or meet the person sitting next to me. I indulge in fantasies about a person who is across the country from me; The further he distances himself from me, the safer he is to fantasize about. I don't want to confront the 'what if' of theories in action yet. I don't want to find out. I laughed today though, because I realized that if the aforementioned he, did finally reach out to me; I would no longer be interested. He took too long! It would give me a complex to welcome him back even though I know I deserved his shunning. I overwhelm the people I *do* reach out to, because it's rarer than I can find an evenness within. Maybe if I spoke out loud to myself more often. When he asked me why I hated talking on the phone, I wish I was able to find the truth; The sound of my spoken voice is foreign to my ears. I only sing to myself. I am too critical of myself to sing to you, awkward lol.
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I finally have beautiful hands again! They used to be my favorite part of my body! Now I totally forgot how to tame these gnarly cuticles of mine. It has been almost 6 years, there was a wart on my left middle finger, and half of a christmas bulb stuck in my right pointer and middle fingers. FINALLY they're gone. FINALLY my fingers are beautiful again. My cuticles fucking frustrate me because I have no idea what to do with them. Most of the websites say not to cut them or anything. I have pushed them back so much, and they still look so bad. This is a tiny hurdle in the way of my perfect hands considering the other things that were previously standing in my way. Ugh. It makes me start being so mean to myself about it, when that is the exact opposite of the whole reason why I give a shit about this. Grrr. I don't want to care at all if it's only going to upset me.
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Next person I date, I'm going to tell them I'm a somnambulist like it's my career. That should help me weed out the idiots ˜_ˆ

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