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I (try to) let go of you.

This year, I resolve to let go of you. I admit that I've used focusing on you, as a way to shield from myself. I can tell you the secrets within the depths of my soul, because my full awareness shines on you, and away from my confessions. I realize that my adoration of you, while enjoyable; Holds me back from a more fulfilling experience with myself. In times when I must dive into the despair confronting me; I avert my being. I seek solace, and smiles which are not entitled to me.

You once served as a positive inspiration to me; By being a person who shares my ideals, and also; By being someone who is more intelligent than I am. I honestly don't know many who can even match me, let alone understand me. You demonstrate a reason I should bother to make expressions outside of myself, other than to God: Whom I don't perceive myself to be separate from, but rather that God's entity exists beyond me. The 'id', in identity, is God, and also, God is the entity in me.

Now that I have received this awareness from you, I need not dwell. It's easier said than done, I know. One can quickly feel trapped at the source of an induced epiphany. I should've taken it as the first sign to go, when you invited me to do so; But. instead of admonishing myself for these mistakes, I will simply rectify them in this moment, and remain in 'now'. I will try hard to avoid any instance of comfort provided by understanding. Instead, I will chase 'confusion', and become intimate with 'fear'. I will beckon it to my innermost cavity, so it can impregnate me with wisdom.

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wrecktangle
Jan. 9th, 2013 06:15 am (UTC)
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Eyedea
wrecktangle
Kismet Witstatic
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