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Papa

It hurts, there is no way around that part, but i feel really satisfied with the time i spent with him. I didn't make time for any regrets. I procrastinated on 'procrastinating', (meaning i did everything i thought i should do right away. I have now to 'procrastinate') he died on thanksgiving. Of course i do have one regret. I left without saying goodbye. I forgive myself of that though because my honest reason was to allow my cousins and distant relatives to have quality time with my grandparents because i always get personal quality time with them.

On wedsday i made him mini cran-apple muffins for breakfast with fresh fruit and an improvised recipe. I showed up at 7:30 and was already too late. He had some muffins for between breakfast and lunch and i made him lunch and sat with him all day and talked. I am really happy i did that, jeesh, had i waited one more freaken day, i would have kicked myself for the rest of my life over meaning to do that!
Ive been doing all the dusting and vacuuming for them this year since February. I made sure i visited them at least twice a week. I didn't take his place in my life for granted. I really didn't like him suffering like that. He expressed a few things that made it absolutely impossible for me to keep a dry eye; i tried to hide it because he hates to see me cry. If he noticed it, he pretended he didn't.
I would have to push myself to go and see him; Despite the fact that i adore him, just because of how upset it made me to watch him live in those poor conditions.
Because of that, it is a very big relief to know that he is feeee from pain. This song (love in sadness by Jason Mraz)
Repeated 8 times on my ipod even though it was on shuffle, and i have so many thousands of songs. In my opinion, it couldn't have been some arbitrary occurrence. Especially considering how absolutely perfect the lyrics fit, and the meaning continues to expand
I'm going to sing amazing grace at his service wed and thur this week.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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