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Heart numb

I can feel my heart going numb, but, as much as this hurts; I wish I could confront it a little bit more.

I said before, that I would want whatever my Papa wants. I said it when he said, "I hope to live longer", when it was still an easy declaration to make. Now he makes the most tragic statements in the form of jokes, and it's everything I can do not to start sobbing right there on the spot.
Today he said, with a chuckle
"I think I know what it feels like to be a dog. I can only go about 50 feet in any direction, and I am constantly getting my leash (breathing tube) caught around corners. I really think I know how a dog feels now."

He is on four giant liquid oxygen generators. *FOUR*.
Ugh.
This is so hard.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
betweenthelynes
Nov. 10th, 2012 06:02 am (UTC)
(HUGS)

My grandmother has lymphoma, a heart condition, and Parkinson's.
When I call, she doesn't remember I called before and etc. She's frail and it breaks my heart.
I go see her once a year (she lives 660 miles from me) and each year it's worse.
No idea what I'll do when she dies - she's been my best friend my whole life.

I feel heartbroken over her deterioration, and just in general when I think of how vibrant, bright and life-filled she used to be.
Heartbroken.

I'm so sorry you're facing this hardship.
*HUGS*

-Leander
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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